I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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