you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
