The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex on a dog bed..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
