K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well most of my day revolves around power hour
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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