I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
