Porn is love you can see.
someone owes me an orgasm
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
