Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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