There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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