You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
