The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
