found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
