how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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