she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
