How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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