She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
