Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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