she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
