Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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