If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
