This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
