i need an iv and a liver transplant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
