I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
