So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
