Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
