I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
