the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
