And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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