I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
