im six kinds of drunk right now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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