if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
