I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
