I want to have your abortion
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
