I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
