you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
