dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
These tits shall not be calmed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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