I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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