In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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