So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
