I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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