I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
