if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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