i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
