look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
