also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
