I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
