My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
