Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
