i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
