he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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