Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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