I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
