My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
